Self-Esteem Counselling Vancouver
How We View Ourselves Impacts Almost Every Area of our Lives
Many clients walk through the door fully knowing that they are their own worst critic. For you, this could mean holding yourself back from sharing how you feel or what you need from others. Maybe you find yourself constantly feeling like you need to prove your value or worth to others (or that there’s no point in trying). Perhaps you spend valuable time and energy comparing yourself to others, feeling jealous, doubting yourself and wondering if you are worthy of the life you are striving for or that you already have.
You might know, on some level, that you're harder on yourself than you would ever be on someone else. You may second-guess your decisions, look to other people for reassurance, or find yourself holding back because you're not sure you can trust your own instincts.
Or maybe for you, it’s more that you’ve tried to become the person your family, society, colleagues or peer group thinks you should be. You might feel like you’re constantly wearing a mask, or putting on a front and are aware of a little voice of doubt inside that challenges your ability to trust your own instincts and decisions. You want to be who you ‘really are’, but aren’t even sure who that is, and are worried what that might do to your relationships.
Self-esteem isn't formed in isolation. The way we see ourselves can be shaped by our relationships, our families, our culture and the messages we've received about who we are supposed to be. For some people, neurodivergence, trauma, discrimination or other experiences of not quite fitting the expectations around them can leave a lasting imprint on how safe it feels to take up space, have needs or trust yourself.
This means that working on self-esteem isn't simply about learning to think more positively about yourself. It can also involve noticing what happens in your body when you doubt yourself, what you learned to expect from other people, and what gets activated when you try to speak up, set a boundary or let yourself be seen.
Meet Our Counsellors Who Work With Self-Esteem
You can browse our counsellor profiles yourself below, or have our intake team help match you with someone based on what you're looking for.
Together, We Can Look at What's Getting in the Way of Feeling Good About Yourself
While a lot of us experience low self-esteem, what it feels and looks like is different for everyone. It might be loud and obvious, or heavy, but so familiar that you barely notice it anymore.
You might notice:
Shame that shows up in different areas of life
Not trusting yourself (or others) in relationships
Body dissatisfaction or disordered eating
Difficulty expressing yourself or feeling like you can be fully yourself
A constant sense of not being good enough
Feeling stuck, lost or unsure of what you want personally or professionally
Comparing yourself to other people, even when you know comparison isn't helping
Second-guessing decisions you felt confident about five minutes ago
Finding it hard to take up space, ask for what you need, or let yourself be seen fully
Feeling confident in how you show up to some parts of life, while privately struggling with self-doubt
Self-Esteem Isn't Just About Positive Thinking
You can know all the right things to say to yourself and still feel a drop in your stomach when you make a mistake, when it’s time to speak up in class or a meeting, look in the mirror, or wonder what someone else thinks of you.
Simply trying to think more positively, or repeat positive affirmations doesn't always get very far.
Self-esteem can show up in your mind, but can also really impact how you feel in your body. When you’re not sure of yourself, there might be a shrinking back, going quiet, tensing up, looking for reassurance, or automatically assuming someone else knows better. You might even get the urge to explain yourself before anyone has even questioned you.
Over time, counselling can give you space to notice these patterns with more curiosity and less judgment, while healing the parts of you that thought you had to be someone else. Rather than trying to convince yourself that you're wonderful, we can begin to notice and build on what happens in the moments where you naturally trust yourself, take up space, set a boundary, or let someone see a part of you that you've learned to hide.
Sometimes self-worth grows less through telling yourself that you're wonderful and more through experiencing, over and over, you can stay connected to yourself, even when it would be easier not to.
When Self-Esteem Looks Like Competence
Low self-esteem doesn't always look like insecurity.
You might be capable, responsible and accomplished while still second-guessing yourself underneath it all. You may be the person everyone relies on, the one who gets things done, or the one who seems to have it together but still feels the same background whisper you always have.
Sometimes achievement, productivity or being needed can become a way of finding reassurance that you're okay. That doesn't mean that doing, showing up, or being competent is an issue. It may simply be worth noticing what happens inside you when you aren't doing these things. You might even come to realize the moments when reassurance is leading the way, and when your own values are the driving force instead.
Self-Esteem and Your Relationships
The way you feel about yourself can shape what happens in your relationships, too.
Drawing boundaries can bring up guilt or fear in the best of us, and at times you might find it difficult to express what you want or need, worry about being too much, or end up staying in relationships where you find yourself playing small, or feeling small or lifeless.
We can explore things like:
Fear of disappointing people or being rejected
Looking outside yourself for reassurance that you're okay
Challenges drawing boundaries
Difficulty expressing wants and needs
Losing touch with what you actually want when other people's needs enter the picture
Feeling stuck or trapped in harmful or unsatisfying relationships
Challenges with expression, creativity or taking initiative
Feeling like you have to hide parts of who you are
The Root Causes of Low Self Esteem
There isn't one simple reason people end up struggling with self-esteem. While it can of course develop through experiences that taught you to question yourself, your needs or your place in the world, other times, it has a lot to do with the expectations you've been carrying for a lifetime.
This can include:
Physical trauma
Family-of-origin experiences
Interpersonal or relational trauma
Bullying in childhood or adolescence
Messages internalized from social media or social norms
Growing up feeling that certain parts of yourself were too much, not enough, or unacceptable
Experiences of being misunderstood, excluded or repeatedly asked to adapt yourself
Relationships where your needs, boundaries or perspective weren't taken seriously
While you may or may not recognize yourself in this list, this is something we can explore in counselling IF you want to. We don’t expect you to know already, and sometimes what’s relevant in your history starts to become automatically clearer as you begin paying attention to what happens in the present.
There are many ways to approach this work in session. Your counsellor or therapist might draw on somatic therapy, attachment-focused counselling, parts work, EMDR, strength-based approaches, mindfulness or other trauma-informed approaches, depending on how you experience things and what you’re hoping your experience will look like.
What Does Healthier Self-Esteem Feel Like?
Self-esteem won’t mean feeling confident, at the centre of the room, or outspoken all of the time.
It might look more like being able to notice when you don't agree with someone without immediately assuming you're wrong. For some, the ability to make a decision without needing someone else’s opinion or saying no without spending days replaying the conversation is the biggest form of trust and confidence one could ask for.
For you, a sign that self-esteem is building might mean being able to make a mistake without feeling like the mistake says something fundamental about who you are.
Much of the time, having self-esteem is a bit quieter, or subtle:
A quiet inner knowing that you carry with you from day to day is also a form of self-worth or self-assuredness.
A trust in yourself that emerges between moments of fear.
A noticing that you're less likely to abandon your own needs to keep someone else comfortable.
In time, your body and your mind won’t have to work quite so hard to keep you safe from being judged, rejected or misunderstood. The goal isn't to stop caring what anyone thinks, but it's to develop a steadier relationship with yourself, including on the days when you're uncertain, uncomfortable or having a hard time.
Regardless of what this looks like for you, we hope that you emerge from this work feeling more sure of your instincts, values and abilities as well as more at ease with the you that you may have been hiding for a long time.
Hoping to Feel More Like Yourself?
Self-esteem counselling can be a place to look at the patterns that keep you second-guessing yourself, comparing yourself to others, or putting your own needs aside. Connect with one of our counsellors for a free 15-minute consultation and see whether working together feels like a good fit. You’re welcome to book multiple consultations with our different counsellors!
Frequently Asked Questions About Self-Esteem & Self-Worth Counselling
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The terms overlap, and people use them in different ways. Self-esteem often refers to how you evaluate or feel about yourself, while self-worth can speak more broadly to the sense that you have value simply because you are you.
In counselling, we don't really need to distinguish between the two. What matters more is how these experiences show up in your life and relationships.
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Yes. Insight can be useful, but knowing that you're being hard on yourself doesn't necessarily make the pattern disappear.
You might already know where some of your self-criticism comes from and still notice the same reaction in your body when something goes wrong. Counselling can give you space to work with the pattern itself, rather than simply adding another explanation for it.
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It can. Self-doubt can make it harder to communicate your needs, set boundaries, trust your own perceptions or feel comfortable being fully yourself with another person.
This doesn't mean relationship difficulties are caused by low self-esteem. Relationships affect our sense of self, too.
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New Tides offers a range of workshops and group-based offerings throughout the year, as well as trauma informed yoga and expressive arts. If you're interested in something beyond individual counselling, you can explore our current events.
RCC, She/Her
Esther supports clients with self-worth, relationships, attachment, childhood experiences, neurodivergence, family dynamics and burnout, creating space for clients to better understand themselves and the patterns shaping their lives. Esther is also a teacher and loves supporting other educators, caregivers and those with BIPOC experiences or who have lived outside of Canada
Main Approaches:Somatic · Mindfulness · Attachment-Focused · IFS · Narrative · DBT · Emotion-Focused · AEDP